I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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