his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
