genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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