I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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