Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
