I'm gonna have a badass scar
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I deserve this hangover.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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