It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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