I didn't shave. On purpose
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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