Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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