Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
