Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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