in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
True college students do jello shots in the library
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