I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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