i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
