she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
