I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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