if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize