i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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