i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
