very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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