Do you still have your period?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
