He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
