ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
one might say we're banned from that church
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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