I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize