Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Success! We fucked roommates!
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