I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
