when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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