I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
