he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
