The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
