Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
