My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
