I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
