You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
