What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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