I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
