and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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