Got a toothbrush?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
