Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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