; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
