break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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