are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
