You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
