I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
