Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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