Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize