Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize