Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
