i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
