I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
