Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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