hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
