I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
