I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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