so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
