She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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