There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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