you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
