tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
