Dual....:-)
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
