soooo we both peed the bed last night...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
