I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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