no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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