Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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