i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
