If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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