i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
