If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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