He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
