I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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