One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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