I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
