I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
