why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
